THE SHOFAR APPROACH TO GIVING CRITICISIM
Elul
In life we often have to give criticism. Criticism is never really pleasant to receive and usually uncomfortable to give. But as parents, employers, teachers, supervisors, Rabbis and general members of society it is often unavoidable. On the contrary, well-meant and carefully thought out and delivered criticism can be a powerful tool to achieve desired outcomes and improved behaviours.
Contemporary psychology discusses different strategies which may be employed to make criticism more palpable and effective. One such model is referred to as the “Sandwich Method”.
Like the filling in a sandwich, this method suggests that the criticism be cushioned between two positive statements or praises. Opening up with a genuine compliment or highlighting positive behaviour creates goodwill and softens the interaction. This allows the recipient of the criticism to be open to hear it without putting up their defences. The follow-up compliment will ensure that they don’t leave on a negative note and will feel encouraged to take the criticism on board.
Elul is a time of Teshuvah and self-correction. The time of year calls on us to better ourselves and improve. This is the message of the Shofar which we blow each day. The Rambam describes the shofar as a spiritual wake-up call crying out “wake up sleepers from your sleep”. Our sages connect the word Shofar to its call of Shapru Maaseichem, a directive to beautify and correct your behaviour.
Rebuke was one of the standard clauses in a Novi’s job description. When Hashem tells the Novi Yishayahu to rebuke the Jewish people He says “Cry out, do not hold back. Lift up your voice like a Shofar and tell My people of their transgression and to the House of Jacob their sins.” He must chastise the people like the call of the Shofar.
On this posuk, the Gemora explains “My people” refers to the Talmidei Chachamim whose inadvertent sins are treated severely like intentional ones. Therefore their transgressions are described as פשעם, referring to deliberate sins. In contrast, “The House of Jacob” refers to the simple people whose deliberate sins are considered like unintentional ones due to the their ignorance. Their wrongdoings are described as חטאתם, unintentional sins.
The way in which one rebukes will depend on who the intended recipient is. For the Talmidei Chachamim who are expected to hold a higher standard, one may speak more harshly. They should know better and have no excuse for their wrongdoings. However for the simple people, who may not be aware of any wrongs, the reproach must be softer.
The Chasam Sofer gives a fascinating explanation on this Posuk and the parallel between rebuke and the Shofar; long pre-dating modern-day psychology.
During Elul, the custom in Ashkenaz is to sound 4 notes Tekiyah, Shevarim-Teruah, Tekiyah. The “straight” sound Tekiyah is connected to Chessed. The broken notes Shevarim and Teruah are both connected to Gevurah. The inner chastisement of the Shofar urging us to improve is one of Gevurah, but it is wedged between two Tekiyos, the sandwich of Chessed and positive words.
Within the reproach itself there are two types; The Shevarim (literally breaking) represents a harsher form of criticism. The Teruah on the other hand represents a lighter form of judgement. One needs to know who one is addressing and whether a softer approach is more suitable or whether a more firm approach is required.
The Chasam Sofer imparts a timely message to the Rabbis and Darshanim who at this time of year traditionally urge their communities to grow. They should open with pleasant words which draw the heart of the listener. They may then go on to call for improvement, Shapru Maaseichem. But the conclusion should always be positive so that the listeners leave happy and uplifted.
This is Hashem’s message to the Novi and to each one of us. We may need to rebuke and be critical from time to time; but do it like the sounds of the Shofar. With sensitivity and words from the heart, a Tekiyah at the start and a Tekiyah at the end.
Contemporary psychology discusses different strategies which may be employed to make criticism more palpable and effective. One such model is referred to as the “Sandwich Method”.
Like the filling in a sandwich, this method suggests that the criticism be cushioned between two positive statements or praises. Opening up with a genuine compliment or highlighting positive behaviour creates goodwill and softens the interaction. This allows the recipient of the criticism to be open to hear it without putting up their defences. The follow-up compliment will ensure that they don’t leave on a negative note and will feel encouraged to take the criticism on board.
Elul is a time of Teshuvah and self-correction. The time of year calls on us to better ourselves and improve. This is the message of the Shofar which we blow each day. The Rambam describes the shofar as a spiritual wake-up call crying out “wake up sleepers from your sleep”. Our sages connect the word Shofar to its call of Shapru Maaseichem, a directive to beautify and correct your behaviour.
Rebuke was one of the standard clauses in a Novi’s job description. When Hashem tells the Novi Yishayahu to rebuke the Jewish people He says “Cry out, do not hold back. Lift up your voice like a Shofar and tell My people of their transgression and to the House of Jacob their sins.” He must chastise the people like the call of the Shofar.
On this posuk, the Gemora explains “My people” refers to the Talmidei Chachamim whose inadvertent sins are treated severely like intentional ones. Therefore their transgressions are described as פשעם, referring to deliberate sins. In contrast, “The House of Jacob” refers to the simple people whose deliberate sins are considered like unintentional ones due to the their ignorance. Their wrongdoings are described as חטאתם, unintentional sins.
The way in which one rebukes will depend on who the intended recipient is. For the Talmidei Chachamim who are expected to hold a higher standard, one may speak more harshly. They should know better and have no excuse for their wrongdoings. However for the simple people, who may not be aware of any wrongs, the reproach must be softer.
The Chasam Sofer gives a fascinating explanation on this Posuk and the parallel between rebuke and the Shofar; long pre-dating modern-day psychology.
During Elul, the custom in Ashkenaz is to sound 4 notes Tekiyah, Shevarim-Teruah, Tekiyah. The “straight” sound Tekiyah is connected to Chessed. The broken notes Shevarim and Teruah are both connected to Gevurah. The inner chastisement of the Shofar urging us to improve is one of Gevurah, but it is wedged between two Tekiyos, the sandwich of Chessed and positive words.
Within the reproach itself there are two types; The Shevarim (literally breaking) represents a harsher form of criticism. The Teruah on the other hand represents a lighter form of judgement. One needs to know who one is addressing and whether a softer approach is more suitable or whether a more firm approach is required.
The Chasam Sofer imparts a timely message to the Rabbis and Darshanim who at this time of year traditionally urge their communities to grow. They should open with pleasant words which draw the heart of the listener. They may then go on to call for improvement, Shapru Maaseichem. But the conclusion should always be positive so that the listeners leave happy and uplifted.
This is Hashem’s message to the Novi and to each one of us. We may need to rebuke and be critical from time to time; but do it like the sounds of the Shofar. With sensitivity and words from the heart, a Tekiyah at the start and a Tekiyah at the end.