Men Lighting Shabbos Candles
Q. My wife is going away for Shabbos this week. I know that in her absence I am supposed to light the Shabbos candles. I also need to go to Shul to Daven Mincha after lighting. What are the Halachos that I should be aware of?
A. The Rabbis instituted that every person should have a candle lit in each room that they will use on Shabbos[1]. The reason for this Takanah (enactment) was the concern that someone may trip over something in the dark and that this would disturb the Shalom Bayis (peace in the home) on Shabbos[2].
Additionally, it is part of the Mitzvah of Oneg Shabbos (delighting in Shabbos), allowing us to eat the Shabbos meals by the light of the candles and not in the dark[3]. Based on this reason, the primary Mitzvah of Shabbos candles are the candles that are lit where one will be eating[4] and the Bracha should be said over these candles[5]. Nowadays when we have electric lighting throughout the house, Shabbos candles are only lit on or near the table where one will eat and not in other rooms.
Whose Mitzvah is it?
The Mitzvah of lighting Shabbos candles is a requirement for the home. This responsibility devolves upon men and women equally[6].
Technically, the husband should be the one to light the candles. This is on account of two reasons. Firstly, as the head of the household, the obligations of the home rest upon the husband. Additionally, he carries the primary responsibility for creating Shalom Bayis.
Nonetheless, precedence in lighting the candles is entrusted to the lady of the household and she lights them as the representative (Shlucha) of her husband[7].
The reason that this Mitzvah is entrusted to the lady of the household is because she is generally the one present and she is the one who oversees the running of the home[8]. Another reason that she should light the candles, is as a Tikkun (correction) for the sin of the Eitz Hadaas (the Tree of Knowledge), which Chavah brought about[9]. Additionally, the Mitzvah of lighting Shabbos candles, together with the separation of Challah and the laws of Taharas Hamishpacha (Family Purity), serve as a protection for a woman at the time of childbirth[10].
Even if the husband wants to light the candles himself, his wife takes precedence[11]. If a husband lit the candles before his wife, without her permission, some authorities obligate him to compensate her for depriving her of the Mitzvah[12]. Nonetheless, it is still appropriate for the husband to involve himself in the Mitzvah by preparing the wicks and the candles[13].
Where the lady of the household is unable to light the candles or will not be present, or in a situation where a man, or group of men, live alone, one of the men must light the Shabbos candles.
As with many Mitzvos, this Mitzvah can be fulfilled by having a designated Shaliach light the candles on their behalf. To serve as their Shaliach, one’s child should be over Bar or Bas Mitzvah. If the Baal Habayis is present and able to light the candles himself, he takes precedence[14] even over a married adult daughter. This is because it is essentially his Mitzvah as discussed above.
Not too Early
Shabbos candles cannot be lit before Plag Hamincha, which is one and a quarter Halachic hours before sunset. If they were lit before this time, it would not be recognisable that the candles are being kindled in honour of Shabbos. If the candles were lit before Plag Hamincha, they must be extinguished and relit at the proper time, with a blessing[15].
Immediate Acceptance of Shabbos
When the candles are lit early, the woman who is lighting the candles must accept Shabbos (Mekabel Shabbos) soon after she lights[16].
In this Halacha, the Shulchan Aruch[17] uses the term “L’alter”. The Alter Rebbe[18] explains that this does not mean immediately, but it is certainly within “much less than 15 minutes” after lighting. The Ketzos Hashulchan[19] advises that the acceptance of Shabbos should be within approximately 10 minutes of lighting.
Some Poskim learn that the requirement of having to accept Shabbos soon after lighting, only applies when lighting very early, in order to show that the candle lighting is being done in honour of Shabbos. According to this view, when lighting at the proper time, this would not be necessary. However, Tehillah Ledovid writes that this is not implied in the Shulchan Aruch and it is not the understanding of the Alter Rebbe, who always requires acceptance of Shabbos in proximity to lighting, irrespective of what time one lights the candles.
Where the woman who is lighting is not going to be Mekabel Shabbos in proximity to lighting, someone else needs to be Mekabel Shabbos within this time-frame, in order to be Yotzai the Mitzvah of candle-lighting. Some learn that according to the Alter Rebbe[20], this would only work if it is the husband who is Mekabel Shabbos. According to Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasa, the acceptance of Shabbos by another person would also suffice.
One of the differences between a man and woman lighting Shabbos candles is that a woman is considered to have automatically accepted Shabbos by lighting candles, unless she made a stipulation otherwise[21]. Once a person has accepted Shabbos, they may no longer Daven Mincha[22].
A man who lights candles does not automatically accept Shabbos when lighting. Rather, he accepts Shabbos when he Davens Kabbolas Shabbos or with a conscious acceptance of Shabbos before sunset. It is still preferable that a man who is lighting the candles make a stipulation if he is not going to be Mekabel Shabbos when lighting[23].
Stipulations
It is possible for either a man or woman to light Shabbos candles and make a condition or stipulation (T’nai) that they are not accepting Shabbos with their lighting. A woman may only rely on making a stipulation for a situation of real need[24]. However, the Alter Rebbe qualifies, that even when relying on a T’nai, the one lighting, or their husband or other Shaliach, must still be Mekabel Shabbos within the time-frame discussed above.
Deriving Benefit from the Candles
If a person will leave home after lighting candles and will only return later at night, they need to bear in mind that to be Yotzai candle lighting, one must derive benefit from the candle light. To this effect, Shabbos candles should always (Lechatchila) be long enough to burn until after the meal or at least until Kiddush.
When eating out, the candles should be of sufficient size so that they will still be alight to benefit from when one returns home. Alternatively, if one can benefit from them after lighting, for example if the candles are lit in a darker room, this would suffice. Whilst the Mishna Berura specifically requires doing something for the needs of a meal by the candle light, the Alter Rebbe rules that any use of the light would be sufficient[25].
How many Candles
Another issue to address is how many candles a man should light if his wife is away. Whilst only two candles are required, many women have the custom to light additional candle, some adding an extra candle for each child.
The Be’er Moshe rules that when a husband lights in place of his wife he only needs to light the minimum two candles. Other Poskim write that the number of candles to light will depend on whether one’s wife will be lighting herself or not. Shevet Halevi says that it is preferable for the husband to always light the same number of candles that his wife usually lights at home.
Customs when Lighting
A number of Halachic practises apply as a result of the woman accepting Shabbos by lighting the candles.
The above technically does not apply to a man, as he does not automatically accept Shabbos when lighting. Nonetheless, these practises should still be observed by a man who is lighting as well.
Conclusion
When a man will be lighting Shabbos candles, the best arrangement is for them to Daven Mincha earlier in the afternoon, so that they can be at home to light at the proper time and be Mekabel Shabbos soon after.
If one is not able to Daven Mincha earlier, they should light candles with a condition that they will not accept Shabbos until after they have gone to Shul and Davened Mincha. However, this would have to be within the 10-minute window discussed above, which may not be feasible.
If this is not possible, one can appoint a Shaliach, such as a child over Bar or Bas Mitzvah or a babysitter, to light Shabbos candles in the home and have them be Mekabel Shabbos within 10-minutes of lighting.
If one will not be returning home until late, they, or the person lighting should use the light of the candles for some activity.
Our sages[30] teach that Hashem says to the Jewish people “if you guard the candles of Shabbos, I will show you the candles of Zion”. In the merit of our care in lighting Shabbos candles, may we merit the revelation of the light of Moshiach and to see the lights of the rebuilt city of Yerushalaim and the Beis Hamikdash Hashlishi.
___________________________
[1] Mishna Shabbos 31b. See Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:1
[2] Shabbos 23b
[3] Shabbos 25b according to Tosfos ד"ה הדלקת
[4] Or Zarua Hilchos Erev Shabbos 11. Ram”o 263:10
[5] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:14
[6] Rambam Hilchos Shabbos 5:1
[7] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263 Kuntres Acharon 2
[8] Rambam ibid 5:3
[9] Yerushalmi Shabbos 2:6. Midrash Rabbah Breishis 17. Rashi Shabbos 31a
[10] Shabbos 31a
[11] Olas Shabbos, Bach 263:2, Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:5. Even though it is preferable to perform a Mitzvah oneself rather than through a Shaliach, due to the reasons discussed above, the woman still takes precedence.
[12] Siddur Yaavetz
[13] Shulchan Aruch Harav ibid, Magen Avraham 263:7. Ariza”l Shaar Hakavanos, Siddur Yaavetz. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch and Mishna Berura write that the husband should char the wicks to make them easier for his wife to light.
[14] Based on Kuntres Acharon 263:2
[15] Shulchan Aruch Harav 261:5, 263:6
[16] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:6, 11
[17] 263:4
[18] Kuntres Acharon 263:2
[19] Badei Hashulchan 74:17
[20] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:11
[21] Magen Avraham 263:19. Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[22] Magen Avraham 263:19. Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[23] ibid
[24] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[25] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:13
[26] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[27] Ram”o Orach Chaim 263:5, Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:8
[28] The Shulchan Aruch writes to hold up her hands to cover (block) the flame so that she does not benefit from it. The custom is for the woman to cover her eyes with her hands.
[29] Shulchan Aruch Harav ibid.
[30] Yalkut Shimoni Bamidbar chapter 8, section 719
A. The Rabbis instituted that every person should have a candle lit in each room that they will use on Shabbos[1]. The reason for this Takanah (enactment) was the concern that someone may trip over something in the dark and that this would disturb the Shalom Bayis (peace in the home) on Shabbos[2].
Additionally, it is part of the Mitzvah of Oneg Shabbos (delighting in Shabbos), allowing us to eat the Shabbos meals by the light of the candles and not in the dark[3]. Based on this reason, the primary Mitzvah of Shabbos candles are the candles that are lit where one will be eating[4] and the Bracha should be said over these candles[5]. Nowadays when we have electric lighting throughout the house, Shabbos candles are only lit on or near the table where one will eat and not in other rooms.
Whose Mitzvah is it?
The Mitzvah of lighting Shabbos candles is a requirement for the home. This responsibility devolves upon men and women equally[6].
Technically, the husband should be the one to light the candles. This is on account of two reasons. Firstly, as the head of the household, the obligations of the home rest upon the husband. Additionally, he carries the primary responsibility for creating Shalom Bayis.
Nonetheless, precedence in lighting the candles is entrusted to the lady of the household and she lights them as the representative (Shlucha) of her husband[7].
The reason that this Mitzvah is entrusted to the lady of the household is because she is generally the one present and she is the one who oversees the running of the home[8]. Another reason that she should light the candles, is as a Tikkun (correction) for the sin of the Eitz Hadaas (the Tree of Knowledge), which Chavah brought about[9]. Additionally, the Mitzvah of lighting Shabbos candles, together with the separation of Challah and the laws of Taharas Hamishpacha (Family Purity), serve as a protection for a woman at the time of childbirth[10].
Even if the husband wants to light the candles himself, his wife takes precedence[11]. If a husband lit the candles before his wife, without her permission, some authorities obligate him to compensate her for depriving her of the Mitzvah[12]. Nonetheless, it is still appropriate for the husband to involve himself in the Mitzvah by preparing the wicks and the candles[13].
Where the lady of the household is unable to light the candles or will not be present, or in a situation where a man, or group of men, live alone, one of the men must light the Shabbos candles.
As with many Mitzvos, this Mitzvah can be fulfilled by having a designated Shaliach light the candles on their behalf. To serve as their Shaliach, one’s child should be over Bar or Bas Mitzvah. If the Baal Habayis is present and able to light the candles himself, he takes precedence[14] even over a married adult daughter. This is because it is essentially his Mitzvah as discussed above.
Not too Early
Shabbos candles cannot be lit before Plag Hamincha, which is one and a quarter Halachic hours before sunset. If they were lit before this time, it would not be recognisable that the candles are being kindled in honour of Shabbos. If the candles were lit before Plag Hamincha, they must be extinguished and relit at the proper time, with a blessing[15].
Immediate Acceptance of Shabbos
When the candles are lit early, the woman who is lighting the candles must accept Shabbos (Mekabel Shabbos) soon after she lights[16].
In this Halacha, the Shulchan Aruch[17] uses the term “L’alter”. The Alter Rebbe[18] explains that this does not mean immediately, but it is certainly within “much less than 15 minutes” after lighting. The Ketzos Hashulchan[19] advises that the acceptance of Shabbos should be within approximately 10 minutes of lighting.
Some Poskim learn that the requirement of having to accept Shabbos soon after lighting, only applies when lighting very early, in order to show that the candle lighting is being done in honour of Shabbos. According to this view, when lighting at the proper time, this would not be necessary. However, Tehillah Ledovid writes that this is not implied in the Shulchan Aruch and it is not the understanding of the Alter Rebbe, who always requires acceptance of Shabbos in proximity to lighting, irrespective of what time one lights the candles.
Where the woman who is lighting is not going to be Mekabel Shabbos in proximity to lighting, someone else needs to be Mekabel Shabbos within this time-frame, in order to be Yotzai the Mitzvah of candle-lighting. Some learn that according to the Alter Rebbe[20], this would only work if it is the husband who is Mekabel Shabbos. According to Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasa, the acceptance of Shabbos by another person would also suffice.
One of the differences between a man and woman lighting Shabbos candles is that a woman is considered to have automatically accepted Shabbos by lighting candles, unless she made a stipulation otherwise[21]. Once a person has accepted Shabbos, they may no longer Daven Mincha[22].
A man who lights candles does not automatically accept Shabbos when lighting. Rather, he accepts Shabbos when he Davens Kabbolas Shabbos or with a conscious acceptance of Shabbos before sunset. It is still preferable that a man who is lighting the candles make a stipulation if he is not going to be Mekabel Shabbos when lighting[23].
Stipulations
It is possible for either a man or woman to light Shabbos candles and make a condition or stipulation (T’nai) that they are not accepting Shabbos with their lighting. A woman may only rely on making a stipulation for a situation of real need[24]. However, the Alter Rebbe qualifies, that even when relying on a T’nai, the one lighting, or their husband or other Shaliach, must still be Mekabel Shabbos within the time-frame discussed above.
Deriving Benefit from the Candles
If a person will leave home after lighting candles and will only return later at night, they need to bear in mind that to be Yotzai candle lighting, one must derive benefit from the candle light. To this effect, Shabbos candles should always (Lechatchila) be long enough to burn until after the meal or at least until Kiddush.
When eating out, the candles should be of sufficient size so that they will still be alight to benefit from when one returns home. Alternatively, if one can benefit from them after lighting, for example if the candles are lit in a darker room, this would suffice. Whilst the Mishna Berura specifically requires doing something for the needs of a meal by the candle light, the Alter Rebbe rules that any use of the light would be sufficient[25].
How many Candles
Another issue to address is how many candles a man should light if his wife is away. Whilst only two candles are required, many women have the custom to light additional candle, some adding an extra candle for each child.
The Be’er Moshe rules that when a husband lights in place of his wife he only needs to light the minimum two candles. Other Poskim write that the number of candles to light will depend on whether one’s wife will be lighting herself or not. Shevet Halevi says that it is preferable for the husband to always light the same number of candles that his wife usually lights at home.
Customs when Lighting
A number of Halachic practises apply as a result of the woman accepting Shabbos by lighting the candles.
- She should gently put the match down so as not to extinguish it[26].
- She makes the blessing after lighting. Even though Brachos should be said before fulfilling a Mitzvah, there is a concern that perhaps the blessing would constitute accepting Shabbos and she would then not be allowed to light[27].
- She covers her eyes[28] after lighting and removes them after the blessing, so that the blessing is at least recited before benefitting from the light of the candles[29].
The above technically does not apply to a man, as he does not automatically accept Shabbos when lighting. Nonetheless, these practises should still be observed by a man who is lighting as well.
Conclusion
When a man will be lighting Shabbos candles, the best arrangement is for them to Daven Mincha earlier in the afternoon, so that they can be at home to light at the proper time and be Mekabel Shabbos soon after.
If one is not able to Daven Mincha earlier, they should light candles with a condition that they will not accept Shabbos until after they have gone to Shul and Davened Mincha. However, this would have to be within the 10-minute window discussed above, which may not be feasible.
If this is not possible, one can appoint a Shaliach, such as a child over Bar or Bas Mitzvah or a babysitter, to light Shabbos candles in the home and have them be Mekabel Shabbos within 10-minutes of lighting.
If one will not be returning home until late, they, or the person lighting should use the light of the candles for some activity.
Our sages[30] teach that Hashem says to the Jewish people “if you guard the candles of Shabbos, I will show you the candles of Zion”. In the merit of our care in lighting Shabbos candles, may we merit the revelation of the light of Moshiach and to see the lights of the rebuilt city of Yerushalaim and the Beis Hamikdash Hashlishi.
___________________________
[1] Mishna Shabbos 31b. See Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:1
[2] Shabbos 23b
[3] Shabbos 25b according to Tosfos ד"ה הדלקת
[4] Or Zarua Hilchos Erev Shabbos 11. Ram”o 263:10
[5] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:14
[6] Rambam Hilchos Shabbos 5:1
[7] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263 Kuntres Acharon 2
[8] Rambam ibid 5:3
[9] Yerushalmi Shabbos 2:6. Midrash Rabbah Breishis 17. Rashi Shabbos 31a
[10] Shabbos 31a
[11] Olas Shabbos, Bach 263:2, Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:5. Even though it is preferable to perform a Mitzvah oneself rather than through a Shaliach, due to the reasons discussed above, the woman still takes precedence.
[12] Siddur Yaavetz
[13] Shulchan Aruch Harav ibid, Magen Avraham 263:7. Ariza”l Shaar Hakavanos, Siddur Yaavetz. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch and Mishna Berura write that the husband should char the wicks to make them easier for his wife to light.
[14] Based on Kuntres Acharon 263:2
[15] Shulchan Aruch Harav 261:5, 263:6
[16] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:6, 11
[17] 263:4
[18] Kuntres Acharon 263:2
[19] Badei Hashulchan 74:17
[20] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:11
[21] Magen Avraham 263:19. Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[22] Magen Avraham 263:19. Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[23] ibid
[24] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[25] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:13
[26] Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:7
[27] Ram”o Orach Chaim 263:5, Shulchan Aruch Harav 263:8
[28] The Shulchan Aruch writes to hold up her hands to cover (block) the flame so that she does not benefit from it. The custom is for the woman to cover her eyes with her hands.
[29] Shulchan Aruch Harav ibid.
[30] Yalkut Shimoni Bamidbar chapter 8, section 719