Maintaining Respect in the Face of Contention
Kedoshim
In the last few months, there have been many contentious issues, both domestically and overseas, that have brought out our very passionate feelings and positions. These have included our local elections, and the tense political situation in Israel. We have seen this particularly concerning the decision making in the Gaza war to eradicate the terrorist threat and return the hostages.
Unfortunately, more often than not, these passionate beliefs and debates have spilled over into the realm of verbal attacks, hate and even violence. Families have been pulled apart and friendships lost. And society has suffered with discord and division. Tragically we are witnessing this before our eyes in the Holy Land, as fellow Jews from different parts of the nation turn against one another.
Hashem created us in a way that we do not all think alike. In the words of our sages “just as their faces are all different from one another, so too are their opinions”. Everything Hashem created is with deliberate purpose. So the fact that we do not think the same, so that others may think or believe differently to us, is how it is meant to be.
Whilst differing opinions can be a source of conflict and strife, it can have a tremendous benefit. As smart and “right” as we think we may be, we are limited to our own perspective. It just might be that someone else’s opinion or idea is better than our own and that we ourselves may be wrong or may not have considered certain things. Healthy debate, discussion and sharing of ideas, can lead to greater clarity and better outcomes.
But this can only occur if there is mutual respect and a willingness to genuinely hear and consider the other side. To do this takes humility, the ability to recognise that we may be wrong and that we may have something to learn from someone else.
During Sefiras Haomer, we mourn the tragic passing of the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva, that took place at this time of year. The Gemara teaches that they passed away because “they did not treat one another with respect”. Each Talmid was so caught up and dedicated to their own understanding of their Rebbe’s teachings, that they could not tolerate a colleague who had a different perspective.
The fact that they may disagreed with one another was not a problem. Indeed this is the benefit of learning Torah with a Chavrusa or group. Just like 2 blades that sharpen one another when they are scraped against each other, the clash and challenging of differing opinions leads to greater wisdom and intellectual sharpness. The problem was how they disagreed - that they did not respect one another.
In 1988, there was a very ugly and bitter election in Israel, that pitted all of the segments of Israeli society against one another - right versus left, secular versus religious and even division between the religious parties themselves. The election was very dirty and was marred with abuse and violence. After the election, the Knesset needed to come together to form government and to lead the country. But after such a divisive campaign, how could this be possible?
The Lubavitcher Rebbe gave a simple but powerful suggestion. Who says that we need to jump into the contentious issues straight away? First find the issues where there is agreement. By discussing these areas of commonality, they will come to see that they can sit and discuss together in peace, without raising voices or pounding tables. This will build a working relationship and mutual respect.
With this foundation of respect, they can progress, to discuss the areas of disagreement - starting first with those areas where there is less disagreement and eventually working up to tackle the really contentious issues.
These lessons hold true in our personal relationships and our disagreements with others. First and foremost, we need to focus on what unites us, not divides us. When we debate, we may disagree with someone else’s opinion, but we do so with respect and civility. And even if we cannot come to agreement or see eye-to-eye, we can maintain love and respect for the other person, respecting their entitlement to their opinion and agreeing to disagree.
In this week’s Parsha, we have the Mitzva of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, to love your fellow as you love yourself. Rabbi Akiva championed this Mitzvah, teaching that this is a כלל גדול בתורה, a great principle of the Torah. It might be difficult to actually have feelings of love to every person, especially to love them as we love ourselves. But we can treat them the way that we would like to be treated - as Hillel taught, “do not do to others that which is hateful to you”.
Most of us like to be treated with respect. We would like to be able to share our opinions and ideas and to have them heard respectfully, without being personally attacked for them. Most of us do not appreciate nasty comments or responses to our social media posts or comments on community chats.
If this is what we would like for ourselves, we should be able to afford that kindness to others.
Unfortunately, more often than not, these passionate beliefs and debates have spilled over into the realm of verbal attacks, hate and even violence. Families have been pulled apart and friendships lost. And society has suffered with discord and division. Tragically we are witnessing this before our eyes in the Holy Land, as fellow Jews from different parts of the nation turn against one another.
Hashem created us in a way that we do not all think alike. In the words of our sages “just as their faces are all different from one another, so too are their opinions”. Everything Hashem created is with deliberate purpose. So the fact that we do not think the same, so that others may think or believe differently to us, is how it is meant to be.
Whilst differing opinions can be a source of conflict and strife, it can have a tremendous benefit. As smart and “right” as we think we may be, we are limited to our own perspective. It just might be that someone else’s opinion or idea is better than our own and that we ourselves may be wrong or may not have considered certain things. Healthy debate, discussion and sharing of ideas, can lead to greater clarity and better outcomes.
But this can only occur if there is mutual respect and a willingness to genuinely hear and consider the other side. To do this takes humility, the ability to recognise that we may be wrong and that we may have something to learn from someone else.
During Sefiras Haomer, we mourn the tragic passing of the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva, that took place at this time of year. The Gemara teaches that they passed away because “they did not treat one another with respect”. Each Talmid was so caught up and dedicated to their own understanding of their Rebbe’s teachings, that they could not tolerate a colleague who had a different perspective.
The fact that they may disagreed with one another was not a problem. Indeed this is the benefit of learning Torah with a Chavrusa or group. Just like 2 blades that sharpen one another when they are scraped against each other, the clash and challenging of differing opinions leads to greater wisdom and intellectual sharpness. The problem was how they disagreed - that they did not respect one another.
In 1988, there was a very ugly and bitter election in Israel, that pitted all of the segments of Israeli society against one another - right versus left, secular versus religious and even division between the religious parties themselves. The election was very dirty and was marred with abuse and violence. After the election, the Knesset needed to come together to form government and to lead the country. But after such a divisive campaign, how could this be possible?
The Lubavitcher Rebbe gave a simple but powerful suggestion. Who says that we need to jump into the contentious issues straight away? First find the issues where there is agreement. By discussing these areas of commonality, they will come to see that they can sit and discuss together in peace, without raising voices or pounding tables. This will build a working relationship and mutual respect.
With this foundation of respect, they can progress, to discuss the areas of disagreement - starting first with those areas where there is less disagreement and eventually working up to tackle the really contentious issues.
These lessons hold true in our personal relationships and our disagreements with others. First and foremost, we need to focus on what unites us, not divides us. When we debate, we may disagree with someone else’s opinion, but we do so with respect and civility. And even if we cannot come to agreement or see eye-to-eye, we can maintain love and respect for the other person, respecting their entitlement to their opinion and agreeing to disagree.
In this week’s Parsha, we have the Mitzva of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, to love your fellow as you love yourself. Rabbi Akiva championed this Mitzvah, teaching that this is a כלל גדול בתורה, a great principle of the Torah. It might be difficult to actually have feelings of love to every person, especially to love them as we love ourselves. But we can treat them the way that we would like to be treated - as Hillel taught, “do not do to others that which is hateful to you”.
Most of us like to be treated with respect. We would like to be able to share our opinions and ideas and to have them heard respectfully, without being personally attacked for them. Most of us do not appreciate nasty comments or responses to our social media posts or comments on community chats.
If this is what we would like for ourselves, we should be able to afford that kindness to others.