LIGHTING THE MENORA OF IMPERFECT PEOPLE
Chanukah
The Gemara records a dispute between the sages on how we should light our Chanukah candles; Beis Shammai rule that the Chanukah candles should be lit in descending order, starting with eight on the first night and working down to one candle on the final night. Beis Hillel rule that the candles are lit in an ascending manner, starting with one light on the first night and adding an extra candle on each subsequent night.
The Gemara explains the logic underlying each of their respective opinions. Beis Shammai wish to reflect the days of Chanukah which are yet to come. Beis Hillel require the Chanukah lights to mark the days which have already entered.
A recurring theme in the disputes between Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai throughout the Gemara is that Beis Shammai focuses on the potential whereas Beis Hillel sees the situation as it currently is.
In the case at hand, on the first night of Chanukah, one day has actually entered, but there are 8 remaining days. For Beis Shammai, lighting eight candles marks this potential, the days that are yet to come. Beis Hillel rules that we mark the days which we have actually experienced.
The mystical sources teach that the disputes of Hillel and Shammai stem from deep within their souls.
Shammai’s soul comes from the aspect of Gevurah – a quality of discipline and rigidity. His very name means to measure. This is why most of Shammai’s rulings take a more stringent or forbidding approach. As a personality, Shammai seems intolerant and exacting.
Hillel’s soul-root is in the aspect of Chessed, expressing loving-kindness and acceptance. Hillel’s Halachic rulings generally take a lenient and permissive approach. Hillel embodies patience, warmth and acceptance.
How do the rulings of Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai about lighting candles, Shammai seeing the “potential” and Hillel measuring the “actual”, fit with their soul-personalities?
At first glance it seems completely contrary. Surely the ability to see the potential in something is an expression of Chessed? Isn’t seeing and believing in someone’s potential a display of kindness and love; we don’t judge a person for how they appear but rather see who they can be?
Seeing the potential is a great thing but it can very easily become an expectation. The expectations then become the measuring stick by which we evaluate others and how we relate to them. Do they measure up or not?
Shammai relates to the potential he sees in every person and situation. How they could be becomes how they should be. When this expectation and projection of reality is not met, it can lead to disappointment and resentment; If this is who you can be and what you are capable of, then why aren’t you living up to it?
Further, focusing on someone’s potential prevents us from being able to recognise and celebrate who they are and what they have actually accomplished.
A more damaging variation of this is when the potential we project on how others should be is measured by our own measuring stick – not theirs. We benchmark their behaviour on our own standards, which may not be a fair expectation. When the measuring bar is dissociated from the reality and the bar is set too high, the subject is set up to fail.
In contrast, Chessed is pragmatic and understanding, focusing on the other person and the reality of who they are now. We understand their strengths and their weaknesses and celebrate their achievements.
That’s not to say that the Hillel approach does not believe in seeing the potential.
On the first night of Chanukah, even though we are lighting just one candle, we light it on the Menorah with all eight branches. We believe in and note the potential that can be achieved, but we celebrate what has been accomplished - relating to the person as they are and not how they can be.
When we follow Hillel’s approach, we celebrate accomplishments and recognise struggles, we allow people to be on their journey and not yet be finished products. With acceptance, we give them space and encouragement to continue to grow.
In a perfect world, with perfect people, Shammai’s standards and expectations are appropriate. And so, when Moshiach comes, the Halocha will follow the rulings of Shammai.
But until that time, in an imperfect world with imperfect people, our Halacha, the path which the Torah teaches us to take in our relationships with others, is the approach of Hillel.
The Gemara explains the logic underlying each of their respective opinions. Beis Shammai wish to reflect the days of Chanukah which are yet to come. Beis Hillel require the Chanukah lights to mark the days which have already entered.
A recurring theme in the disputes between Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai throughout the Gemara is that Beis Shammai focuses on the potential whereas Beis Hillel sees the situation as it currently is.
In the case at hand, on the first night of Chanukah, one day has actually entered, but there are 8 remaining days. For Beis Shammai, lighting eight candles marks this potential, the days that are yet to come. Beis Hillel rules that we mark the days which we have actually experienced.
The mystical sources teach that the disputes of Hillel and Shammai stem from deep within their souls.
Shammai’s soul comes from the aspect of Gevurah – a quality of discipline and rigidity. His very name means to measure. This is why most of Shammai’s rulings take a more stringent or forbidding approach. As a personality, Shammai seems intolerant and exacting.
Hillel’s soul-root is in the aspect of Chessed, expressing loving-kindness and acceptance. Hillel’s Halachic rulings generally take a lenient and permissive approach. Hillel embodies patience, warmth and acceptance.
How do the rulings of Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai about lighting candles, Shammai seeing the “potential” and Hillel measuring the “actual”, fit with their soul-personalities?
At first glance it seems completely contrary. Surely the ability to see the potential in something is an expression of Chessed? Isn’t seeing and believing in someone’s potential a display of kindness and love; we don’t judge a person for how they appear but rather see who they can be?
Seeing the potential is a great thing but it can very easily become an expectation. The expectations then become the measuring stick by which we evaluate others and how we relate to them. Do they measure up or not?
Shammai relates to the potential he sees in every person and situation. How they could be becomes how they should be. When this expectation and projection of reality is not met, it can lead to disappointment and resentment; If this is who you can be and what you are capable of, then why aren’t you living up to it?
Further, focusing on someone’s potential prevents us from being able to recognise and celebrate who they are and what they have actually accomplished.
A more damaging variation of this is when the potential we project on how others should be is measured by our own measuring stick – not theirs. We benchmark their behaviour on our own standards, which may not be a fair expectation. When the measuring bar is dissociated from the reality and the bar is set too high, the subject is set up to fail.
In contrast, Chessed is pragmatic and understanding, focusing on the other person and the reality of who they are now. We understand their strengths and their weaknesses and celebrate their achievements.
That’s not to say that the Hillel approach does not believe in seeing the potential.
On the first night of Chanukah, even though we are lighting just one candle, we light it on the Menorah with all eight branches. We believe in and note the potential that can be achieved, but we celebrate what has been accomplished - relating to the person as they are and not how they can be.
When we follow Hillel’s approach, we celebrate accomplishments and recognise struggles, we allow people to be on their journey and not yet be finished products. With acceptance, we give them space and encouragement to continue to grow.
In a perfect world, with perfect people, Shammai’s standards and expectations are appropriate. And so, when Moshiach comes, the Halocha will follow the rulings of Shammai.
But until that time, in an imperfect world with imperfect people, our Halacha, the path which the Torah teaches us to take in our relationships with others, is the approach of Hillel.