Lessons in Personal Refinement
Vayeshev
Our sages teach that one of the reasons that the Torah was given, was to refine us and to help us develop into better people, both in our relationship with Hashem and in our relationships and interactions with our fellow man.
The word Torah comes from the term Horaah, meaning an instruction. Every part of Torah, even the stories of our ancestors, have eternal lessons that are relevant and applicable in our lives. As we read through the Parshios, we have to look for and live with these lessons and see how we can use them to better ourselves and our characters. Below are some lessons from Parshas Vayeshev in our conduct Bein Adam Lechaveiro.
Positive role-modelling
Yehuda was recognised by his brothers as their leader. He was later given the blessing of leadership by his father and the kings of the Jewish people would descend from him.
Immediately after the sale of Yosef, the Torah digresses to tell us about the marriage of Yehuda and the subsequent events involving his own family. This passage is introduced with the words וירד יהודה. Whilst literally this means that Yehuda travelled downwards to Timna, the sages explain that it refers to Yehuda’s descent.
Yehuda was the one who suggested to sell Yosef to the passing Midianite merchants. As their leader, the brothers followed his word. But later, on seeing the pain that the sale of Yosef had caused to their father, the brothers deposed Yehuda from his position of leadership. They said that had he told them not to sell Yosef, they would have listened to him and so he is the one responsible and accountable.
People whom Hashem puts in positions of leadership, have an awesome responsibility and influence on those around them.
The culture within a company is directly traceable to the decisions and attitudes of its executive leadership. The same is true with anyone in a position of authority; a principal in their school, a teacher their classroom, a Rabbi in their community, a community Askan, a parent at home and a leader to their peers.
This does not excuse the brothers. Even if leaders fail to stand up for what is right, their followers should still stand up in the face of injustice. When leaders stand up for what is right, they set an example for their followers to emulate and makes it easier to do.
Public humiliation
Later in the Parsha, when Yehuda finds out that his daughter-in-law Tamar has fallen pregnant while awaiting marriage to his youngest son, he sentences her to death by fire. Even though it was Yehuda’s child that Tamar was carrying and this knowledge would have saved her life, she did not publicly disclose that it was his baby. She simply hinted to Yehuda, hoping he would confess that the child was his and spare her life.
From this, our sages teach that it is better to allow oneself to be thrown into a fiery furnace, than to publicly embarrass someone. In Shulchan Aruch (OC 151:8), the Alter Rebbe rules that it is forbidden to embarrass someone, even in private and certainly in public. This includes calling a person a name that he is embarrassed of or speaking about something that is embarrassing to him. He quotes the ruling of the sages that whoever publicly embarrasses someone, has no share in the World to Come.
In the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, after suffering public humiliation, Bar Kamtza went and slandered the Jewish people to the Roman authorities, ultimately bringing about the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. The Gemara does not say that he did this because the host had embarrassed him. Rather, it was because the sages who were present and witnessed him being embarrassed in public, said nothing.
Empathy
At the end of the Parsha, Yosef finds himself in prison together with Pharaoh’s chief butler and chief baker. On the morning after they had their troubling dreams, Yosef noticed that they were looking sad. Instead of ignoring their sadness and focusing on his own worries and predicament, Yosef empathetically asked if they were okay and if there was anything that he could do to help them, even if just to listen.
This act of empathy, care and kindness, set in motion the steps that would ultimately lead to Yosef’s own liberation at the beginning of next week’s Parsha and his ascent to greatness.
When we see someone who looks down, sad or out of character, like Yosef, we should be aware, take note and reach out to see if they are OK. This is certainly so when we know that they are going through a hard time or have experienced something traumatic or hurtful.
The word Torah comes from the term Horaah, meaning an instruction. Every part of Torah, even the stories of our ancestors, have eternal lessons that are relevant and applicable in our lives. As we read through the Parshios, we have to look for and live with these lessons and see how we can use them to better ourselves and our characters. Below are some lessons from Parshas Vayeshev in our conduct Bein Adam Lechaveiro.
Positive role-modelling
Yehuda was recognised by his brothers as their leader. He was later given the blessing of leadership by his father and the kings of the Jewish people would descend from him.
Immediately after the sale of Yosef, the Torah digresses to tell us about the marriage of Yehuda and the subsequent events involving his own family. This passage is introduced with the words וירד יהודה. Whilst literally this means that Yehuda travelled downwards to Timna, the sages explain that it refers to Yehuda’s descent.
Yehuda was the one who suggested to sell Yosef to the passing Midianite merchants. As their leader, the brothers followed his word. But later, on seeing the pain that the sale of Yosef had caused to their father, the brothers deposed Yehuda from his position of leadership. They said that had he told them not to sell Yosef, they would have listened to him and so he is the one responsible and accountable.
People whom Hashem puts in positions of leadership, have an awesome responsibility and influence on those around them.
The culture within a company is directly traceable to the decisions and attitudes of its executive leadership. The same is true with anyone in a position of authority; a principal in their school, a teacher their classroom, a Rabbi in their community, a community Askan, a parent at home and a leader to their peers.
This does not excuse the brothers. Even if leaders fail to stand up for what is right, their followers should still stand up in the face of injustice. When leaders stand up for what is right, they set an example for their followers to emulate and makes it easier to do.
Public humiliation
Later in the Parsha, when Yehuda finds out that his daughter-in-law Tamar has fallen pregnant while awaiting marriage to his youngest son, he sentences her to death by fire. Even though it was Yehuda’s child that Tamar was carrying and this knowledge would have saved her life, she did not publicly disclose that it was his baby. She simply hinted to Yehuda, hoping he would confess that the child was his and spare her life.
From this, our sages teach that it is better to allow oneself to be thrown into a fiery furnace, than to publicly embarrass someone. In Shulchan Aruch (OC 151:8), the Alter Rebbe rules that it is forbidden to embarrass someone, even in private and certainly in public. This includes calling a person a name that he is embarrassed of or speaking about something that is embarrassing to him. He quotes the ruling of the sages that whoever publicly embarrasses someone, has no share in the World to Come.
In the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, after suffering public humiliation, Bar Kamtza went and slandered the Jewish people to the Roman authorities, ultimately bringing about the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. The Gemara does not say that he did this because the host had embarrassed him. Rather, it was because the sages who were present and witnessed him being embarrassed in public, said nothing.
Empathy
At the end of the Parsha, Yosef finds himself in prison together with Pharaoh’s chief butler and chief baker. On the morning after they had their troubling dreams, Yosef noticed that they were looking sad. Instead of ignoring their sadness and focusing on his own worries and predicament, Yosef empathetically asked if they were okay and if there was anything that he could do to help them, even if just to listen.
This act of empathy, care and kindness, set in motion the steps that would ultimately lead to Yosef’s own liberation at the beginning of next week’s Parsha and his ascent to greatness.
When we see someone who looks down, sad or out of character, like Yosef, we should be aware, take note and reach out to see if they are OK. This is certainly so when we know that they are going through a hard time or have experienced something traumatic or hurtful.