KATONTI! I AM HUMBLED - A RESPONSE TO G-DS KINDNESSES
Vayishlach - Yud Tes Kislev
This week we will be celebrating Yud Tes Kislev, the day on which the Alter Rebbe was released from his imprisonment. It is celebrated as the “Rosh Hashana of Chassidus”.
The Alter Rebbe had been slandered by fellow Jews who opposed the ways and teaching of Chassidus. This resulted in his arrest and interrogation by the Czarist regime. Ultimately he was vindicated and released on the 19th of Kislev.
On his return from S. Petersberg where he had been incarcerated, the Alter Rebbe penned a letter to the Chassidim. The letter is known by its opening word “Katonti”.
It opens with a quote from Posuk from Parshas Vayishlach. Before approaching Eisav, Yaakov davens to Hashem and says; “I have been diminished because of all of the kindnesses”.
Rashi explains that Yaakov was worried that his merits may have been diminished because of all of the kindnesses that Hashem had shown to him in the past. He was worried that he would no longer have sufficient merits to be spared from the hand of Eisav and that perhaps his sins would make him vulnerable.
In his letter, the Alter Rebbe draws on these words and the explanation of Rashi. He applies it to his own situation and that of the Chassidim, who had just merited the salvations of Hashem.
He writes that with every kindness and favour that Hashem does for us, it should make us smaller; to become more humbled.
Hashem’s kindnesses are an expression of Him drawing us closer. A paradigm of the realm of holiness is that the closer one is to Hashem, the more insignificant (Batel) they should be.
Avraham Avinu was the embodiment of the Attribute of Chessed of holiness. This is why Avraham was also the epitome of humility, declaring “I am but dust and ashes”. In Kedusha, Chessed and humility go hand-in-hand.
The humble person feels completely undeserving of Hashem’s kindnesses. Therefore, everything they receive is with a profound sense of gratitude which leads them to feel even more humbled. This in turn motivates them to give generously to others.
In Kabbalah, Avraham’s son Yishmael represents the Chessed of Kelipah (the side of unholiness). This is the Chessed of Avraham in its corrupted form.
Whereas Chessed of Kedusha brings a person to greater humility, Chessed of Kelipah has the opposite affect. Kedusha is defined by humility and gratitude. Kelipah displays arrogance and entitlement.
For the arrogant person, stuck in the mindset of Yishmael, the kindnesses that they are shown only serve to feed their pride and arrogance. They feel entitled to and deserving of Hashem’s kindnesses.
These were not just words. In this letter, the Alter Rebbe issues a strong announcement and warning to the Chassidim.
Despite the fact that the cause of Chassidus had been vindicated and that the Chassidim had triumphed over their opponents, “they should not become haughty over their brothers. Let them not jeer or whistle mockingly at them”. Rather “they should humble their spirits and hearts before every person, with the attribute of the truth of Yaakov, with humility.”
Instead of gloating and feeling superior, the Alter Rebbe taught the Chassidim that having experienced Hashem’s kindness and miracles should be a humbling experience.
Each of us are recipients of Hashem’s kindnesses and blessings. He gives us our life, health, parnasa, families and more. He may have endowed us with wealth, wisdom or other talents and qualities.
When we count all the blessings and kindnesses in our lives, we should feel like Yaakov Avinu. “Katonti!”
Hashem you have given me so much—far more than I deserve or am worthy of, because I really deserve nothing. I am overwhelmed by Your generosity and benevolence and deeply grateful for every kindness that you have shown to me.
Now I will use my gifts to help others and to reflect Your kindness and generous spirit in my own kindness and generous spirit towards others.
The Alter Rebbe had been slandered by fellow Jews who opposed the ways and teaching of Chassidus. This resulted in his arrest and interrogation by the Czarist regime. Ultimately he was vindicated and released on the 19th of Kislev.
On his return from S. Petersberg where he had been incarcerated, the Alter Rebbe penned a letter to the Chassidim. The letter is known by its opening word “Katonti”.
It opens with a quote from Posuk from Parshas Vayishlach. Before approaching Eisav, Yaakov davens to Hashem and says; “I have been diminished because of all of the kindnesses”.
Rashi explains that Yaakov was worried that his merits may have been diminished because of all of the kindnesses that Hashem had shown to him in the past. He was worried that he would no longer have sufficient merits to be spared from the hand of Eisav and that perhaps his sins would make him vulnerable.
In his letter, the Alter Rebbe draws on these words and the explanation of Rashi. He applies it to his own situation and that of the Chassidim, who had just merited the salvations of Hashem.
He writes that with every kindness and favour that Hashem does for us, it should make us smaller; to become more humbled.
Hashem’s kindnesses are an expression of Him drawing us closer. A paradigm of the realm of holiness is that the closer one is to Hashem, the more insignificant (Batel) they should be.
Avraham Avinu was the embodiment of the Attribute of Chessed of holiness. This is why Avraham was also the epitome of humility, declaring “I am but dust and ashes”. In Kedusha, Chessed and humility go hand-in-hand.
The humble person feels completely undeserving of Hashem’s kindnesses. Therefore, everything they receive is with a profound sense of gratitude which leads them to feel even more humbled. This in turn motivates them to give generously to others.
In Kabbalah, Avraham’s son Yishmael represents the Chessed of Kelipah (the side of unholiness). This is the Chessed of Avraham in its corrupted form.
Whereas Chessed of Kedusha brings a person to greater humility, Chessed of Kelipah has the opposite affect. Kedusha is defined by humility and gratitude. Kelipah displays arrogance and entitlement.
For the arrogant person, stuck in the mindset of Yishmael, the kindnesses that they are shown only serve to feed their pride and arrogance. They feel entitled to and deserving of Hashem’s kindnesses.
These were not just words. In this letter, the Alter Rebbe issues a strong announcement and warning to the Chassidim.
Despite the fact that the cause of Chassidus had been vindicated and that the Chassidim had triumphed over their opponents, “they should not become haughty over their brothers. Let them not jeer or whistle mockingly at them”. Rather “they should humble their spirits and hearts before every person, with the attribute of the truth of Yaakov, with humility.”
Instead of gloating and feeling superior, the Alter Rebbe taught the Chassidim that having experienced Hashem’s kindness and miracles should be a humbling experience.
Each of us are recipients of Hashem’s kindnesses and blessings. He gives us our life, health, parnasa, families and more. He may have endowed us with wealth, wisdom or other talents and qualities.
When we count all the blessings and kindnesses in our lives, we should feel like Yaakov Avinu. “Katonti!”
Hashem you have given me so much—far more than I deserve or am worthy of, because I really deserve nothing. I am overwhelmed by Your generosity and benevolence and deeply grateful for every kindness that you have shown to me.
Now I will use my gifts to help others and to reflect Your kindness and generous spirit in my own kindness and generous spirit towards others.