HOW TO SAY SORRY TO YOUR SPOUSE
A lesson from the Half Shekel - Ki Sisa
At the foot of Har Sinai, the Chuppah of the cosmic marriage forged between Hashem and the Jewish people, the bride did the unthinkable.
Having heard Hashem declare “I am Hashem your G-d” and “You shall have no other gods before Me”, Bnei Yisroel built and worshipped the Golden Calf. Could there be a greater betrayal? How would they be able to restore the relationship?
Hashem told Bnei Yisroel that to atone for their sin they would need to pay an atonement.
The Midrash describes how at that moment, Bnei Yisroel began to despair “Why did we waste our time gathering the spoils in Egypt and at the Sea when we will now have to give it all away.” So great was their betrayal, they knew they would not get off cheap.
Knowing what they were thinking, Hashem told Moshe to tell them not to fear: “I am not asking for 1,000, not 100, not fifty silver coins, not even 1 solitary Shekel. זה יתנו... מחצית השקל . All I am asking is for a half Shekel.”
Half a Shekel, that’s all? Moshe was perplexed. How could a mere half Shekel be sufficient atonement?
The half Shekel was not about monetary value. Hashem was telling Moshe that this half Shekel would be worth far more than the thousands of silver coins that Bnei Yisroel thought would be required. Exactly half a Shekel would be the penalty without exception. The rich could not give more and the poor no less. Half and only half.
But why a half? Generally, our gifts to Hashem have to be whole and perfect, like a korban which cannot have any blemishes. So why a half?
Further, the Torah specifies that the weight of a full Shekel is 20 Gerah. If they were only giving a half Shekel, of what relevance is the value of a whole Shekel? The Torah should have said that the weight of the half Shekel is 10 Gerah?
The Torah seems to be teaching Bnei Yisroel that they should know that there is a full Shekel (which is 20 Gerah), but that of this whole Shekel, they are only giving half of it.
The Ariza”l explains that every soul is initially created comprising a feminine and a masculine element. The soul is then split in two; the feminine aspect being placed into a female and the masculine aspect into a male. They grow up as individuals, sometimes on other sides of the world, until Hashem brings them back together to unite under the Chuppah.
In their single lives each saw themselves as a “whole”, living only responsible to and for themselves. Under the Chuppah, in order to become one, each partner must surrender their sense of “wholeness” to become a “half” once again. A half which completes and is completed by the other, achieving a far deeper level of “wholeness” than ever before.
When a spouse wrongs the other, it is because they have reverted back to the more familiar “whole” mode, acting selfishly and loosing sight of their other half. This is the greater underlying betrayal that needs to be repaired.
The marriage between Hashem and the Jewish people is the same. To unite with Hashem means to surrender our ego, our own sense of independence as a “whole”, and to see ourselves as being incomplete without our relationship with Him.
This is the power of the half Shekel. Lavish gifts may say “I’m sorry” or “I love you”. But it is only parting with money. A half-Shekel apology carries the message that “I am incomplete without you, You complete me and I will try to not forget You again.” Giving a half-Shekel is (re)devoting my very self.
After the tragic sin of the Golden Calf, Hashem asks for half a Shekel. He does not want to be “bought off” with lavish gifts. True atonement is internalising that without Him we are incomplete.
The same is true when apologising to a spouse that we have wronged. Flowers are nice, diamonds are better! But a truly meaningful apology is when we communicate the reaffirmation of our commitment to our spouse and to our marriage.
The Midrash tells us that Hashem pulled out a fiery half Shekel from under His throne and showed it to Moshe.
When we give our half, surrendering ourselbves completely to Him, Hashem reciprocates. It is as though He is telling us “I will complete your lacking and make you whole.”
Beyond that, Hashem’s half Shekel says that just as I complete you, You complete Me. I need you, for without you, My deepest desire cannot be achieved. Together, when we are both fully involved, we create the Shekel Hakodesh.
Having heard Hashem declare “I am Hashem your G-d” and “You shall have no other gods before Me”, Bnei Yisroel built and worshipped the Golden Calf. Could there be a greater betrayal? How would they be able to restore the relationship?
Hashem told Bnei Yisroel that to atone for their sin they would need to pay an atonement.
The Midrash describes how at that moment, Bnei Yisroel began to despair “Why did we waste our time gathering the spoils in Egypt and at the Sea when we will now have to give it all away.” So great was their betrayal, they knew they would not get off cheap.
Knowing what they were thinking, Hashem told Moshe to tell them not to fear: “I am not asking for 1,000, not 100, not fifty silver coins, not even 1 solitary Shekel. זה יתנו... מחצית השקל . All I am asking is for a half Shekel.”
Half a Shekel, that’s all? Moshe was perplexed. How could a mere half Shekel be sufficient atonement?
The half Shekel was not about monetary value. Hashem was telling Moshe that this half Shekel would be worth far more than the thousands of silver coins that Bnei Yisroel thought would be required. Exactly half a Shekel would be the penalty without exception. The rich could not give more and the poor no less. Half and only half.
But why a half? Generally, our gifts to Hashem have to be whole and perfect, like a korban which cannot have any blemishes. So why a half?
Further, the Torah specifies that the weight of a full Shekel is 20 Gerah. If they were only giving a half Shekel, of what relevance is the value of a whole Shekel? The Torah should have said that the weight of the half Shekel is 10 Gerah?
The Torah seems to be teaching Bnei Yisroel that they should know that there is a full Shekel (which is 20 Gerah), but that of this whole Shekel, they are only giving half of it.
The Ariza”l explains that every soul is initially created comprising a feminine and a masculine element. The soul is then split in two; the feminine aspect being placed into a female and the masculine aspect into a male. They grow up as individuals, sometimes on other sides of the world, until Hashem brings them back together to unite under the Chuppah.
In their single lives each saw themselves as a “whole”, living only responsible to and for themselves. Under the Chuppah, in order to become one, each partner must surrender their sense of “wholeness” to become a “half” once again. A half which completes and is completed by the other, achieving a far deeper level of “wholeness” than ever before.
When a spouse wrongs the other, it is because they have reverted back to the more familiar “whole” mode, acting selfishly and loosing sight of their other half. This is the greater underlying betrayal that needs to be repaired.
The marriage between Hashem and the Jewish people is the same. To unite with Hashem means to surrender our ego, our own sense of independence as a “whole”, and to see ourselves as being incomplete without our relationship with Him.
This is the power of the half Shekel. Lavish gifts may say “I’m sorry” or “I love you”. But it is only parting with money. A half-Shekel apology carries the message that “I am incomplete without you, You complete me and I will try to not forget You again.” Giving a half-Shekel is (re)devoting my very self.
After the tragic sin of the Golden Calf, Hashem asks for half a Shekel. He does not want to be “bought off” with lavish gifts. True atonement is internalising that without Him we are incomplete.
The same is true when apologising to a spouse that we have wronged. Flowers are nice, diamonds are better! But a truly meaningful apology is when we communicate the reaffirmation of our commitment to our spouse and to our marriage.
The Midrash tells us that Hashem pulled out a fiery half Shekel from under His throne and showed it to Moshe.
When we give our half, surrendering ourselbves completely to Him, Hashem reciprocates. It is as though He is telling us “I will complete your lacking and make you whole.”
Beyond that, Hashem’s half Shekel says that just as I complete you, You complete Me. I need you, for without you, My deepest desire cannot be achieved. Together, when we are both fully involved, we create the Shekel Hakodesh.