Embracing your Despised Wife
Ki Seitzei
If a man has two wives, one beloved and the other despised, and they each bear him sons, the beloved one and the despised one, and the first-born son is from the despised one...
This familiar Mitzvah sounds dramatic; two wives vying for the affection of a common husband and as murphy's law would have it, the first-born son who is entitled to a double portion of the inheritance is born to the wife less cherished.
The Torah and all of its Mitzvos are eternal. But how is it applicable in our lives today, especially considering that polygamy has been forbidden for over one thousand years!
The Alter Rebbe illuminates this Mitvah in Likkutei Torah by sharing its deeper inner message.
Each one of us possesses two souls; a beloved soul and a despised soul.
The G-dly soul which desires connection to Hashem is beloved. It is the source of our spiritual commit-ment to devote ourselves to Hashem and fulfil His Mitzvos. From this soul comes our positive G-dly emotions, qualities and characteristics.
The despised wife is our animal soul. This soul vital-ise our bodies and is the source of our primal drives and instincts. Whilst this soul too originates from a place of holiness, it descends into this world and into our psyche as the driver of our self-centredness and pursuit of worldly pleasures. From this soul comes our ability to go against Hashem’s and our negative emotions and character traits.
These two souls sit in conflict, each relating to life and purpose in completely different terms. This creates an inner struggle and challenge to be holy and spiritual. But it is for this very reason that the G-dly soul comes into this world. Hashem wants the service of both of these souls.
Like the two wives, each one of them produces offspring, spiritual accomplishments.
The offspring of the G-dly soul are our innate acts of holiness and service of Hashem; Learning Torah, Davening and fulfilling the Mitzvos which bind us to
G-d and foster and feed our sense and craving for spirituality. This is the service of the G-dly soul.
The service of the animalistic soul is not as readily apparent. Like the power of the ox ploughing a field, the spiritual service of the animalistic soul comes from harnessing it and transforming its strengths to redirect them from self-centeredness towards a relationship and desire for holiness.
Service of the G-dly soul is more beloved. The sense of spiritual accomplishment and fulfilment through davening and learning comes easier and are more manifest. These activities make us feel more “holy”.
But the Torah teaches us that the first-born, the greater and more important achievement comes from the despised wife. It is specifically through working on our animalistic side, to tame its nature and refine its character that our most powerful spiritual accomplishments are achieved.
One great Rabbi commented that it is easier to learn the entire Talmud numerous times, than to change one Middah!
The month of Elul is a month of Teshuvah, spiritual improvement and positive resolutions. We often focus our Teshuvah efforts on the beloved wife; to learn more Torah, to daven with greater Kavanah.
But the despised wife is often neglected, perhaps because of how difficult the task is or because we don’t associate or feel how refining our Middos is spiritual. Working on our emotions; anger control, restraining our arrogance and curbing our self-centred desire and narcissism, should be an important part of our Elul program.
This is not to minimise our beloved-wife-resolutions. Torah, Tefillah and Mitzvos are important and should be improved and strengthened during this opportune month. But alongside, with at least as much attention, we must embrace the service of the despised wife too.
Our service of Hashem will then be holistic and all-encompassing, taking us to greater heights as truly spiritual beings and better people too.
This familiar Mitzvah sounds dramatic; two wives vying for the affection of a common husband and as murphy's law would have it, the first-born son who is entitled to a double portion of the inheritance is born to the wife less cherished.
The Torah and all of its Mitzvos are eternal. But how is it applicable in our lives today, especially considering that polygamy has been forbidden for over one thousand years!
The Alter Rebbe illuminates this Mitvah in Likkutei Torah by sharing its deeper inner message.
Each one of us possesses two souls; a beloved soul and a despised soul.
The G-dly soul which desires connection to Hashem is beloved. It is the source of our spiritual commit-ment to devote ourselves to Hashem and fulfil His Mitzvos. From this soul comes our positive G-dly emotions, qualities and characteristics.
The despised wife is our animal soul. This soul vital-ise our bodies and is the source of our primal drives and instincts. Whilst this soul too originates from a place of holiness, it descends into this world and into our psyche as the driver of our self-centredness and pursuit of worldly pleasures. From this soul comes our ability to go against Hashem’s and our negative emotions and character traits.
These two souls sit in conflict, each relating to life and purpose in completely different terms. This creates an inner struggle and challenge to be holy and spiritual. But it is for this very reason that the G-dly soul comes into this world. Hashem wants the service of both of these souls.
Like the two wives, each one of them produces offspring, spiritual accomplishments.
The offspring of the G-dly soul are our innate acts of holiness and service of Hashem; Learning Torah, Davening and fulfilling the Mitzvos which bind us to
G-d and foster and feed our sense and craving for spirituality. This is the service of the G-dly soul.
The service of the animalistic soul is not as readily apparent. Like the power of the ox ploughing a field, the spiritual service of the animalistic soul comes from harnessing it and transforming its strengths to redirect them from self-centeredness towards a relationship and desire for holiness.
Service of the G-dly soul is more beloved. The sense of spiritual accomplishment and fulfilment through davening and learning comes easier and are more manifest. These activities make us feel more “holy”.
But the Torah teaches us that the first-born, the greater and more important achievement comes from the despised wife. It is specifically through working on our animalistic side, to tame its nature and refine its character that our most powerful spiritual accomplishments are achieved.
One great Rabbi commented that it is easier to learn the entire Talmud numerous times, than to change one Middah!
The month of Elul is a month of Teshuvah, spiritual improvement and positive resolutions. We often focus our Teshuvah efforts on the beloved wife; to learn more Torah, to daven with greater Kavanah.
But the despised wife is often neglected, perhaps because of how difficult the task is or because we don’t associate or feel how refining our Middos is spiritual. Working on our emotions; anger control, restraining our arrogance and curbing our self-centred desire and narcissism, should be an important part of our Elul program.
This is not to minimise our beloved-wife-resolutions. Torah, Tefillah and Mitzvos are important and should be improved and strengthened during this opportune month. But alongside, with at least as much attention, we must embrace the service of the despised wife too.
Our service of Hashem will then be holistic and all-encompassing, taking us to greater heights as truly spiritual beings and better people too.