DO NOT SEND YOUR HAND AGAINST THE CHILD
A lesson in parenting in challenging times - Vayeira
“We have to send him away, he is a terrible influence and danger to our son.” So said Sarah said to Avraham about his son Yishmael.
The Torah tells us Sarah’s cause for concern. She wanted Avraham to send Yishmael away because she saw him “Metzachek”. Rashi, quotes our sages that this word refers to each of the three cardinal Aveiros of idolatry and immorality and also bloodshed, as Yishmael would shoot arrows at Yitzchak.
Yishmael did not reflect or live up to the values of his father’s home and upbringing. Sarah did not want Yishmael to stay in the house where he may be a negative influence on Yitzchak. In her eyes, Yishmael’s presence in the home posed a spiritual and physical danger.
Avraham was no fool. He knew who Yishmael was and how he was behaving. But he did not want to send him away. This was the same Yishmael that Avraham davened for when Hashem promised him another child; Lu Yishmael Yichye Lefanecha - if only Yishmael will live before you.
Avraham believed in Yishmael and davened that Hashem help him to do Teshuvah. Avraham loved Yishmael and wanted to keep him close. He could not agree to Sarah’s request.
Hashem told Avraham to listen to and do what Sarah was asking.
This past week a member of the community asked me about this episode. Surely we would not do this now; to “throw-out” a child who is rebellious. Why would Hashem say such a thing? And what lesson are we supposed to take from it?
Perhaps that is the lesson! That only Hashem Himself, who is all-knowing and absolute truth and goodness, could command such a thing. And only if Hashem Himself said to do so, would one be able to take such a drastic step.
At the end of the Parsha we read about the Akeidah. Hashem tells Avraham to take Yitzchak and offer him as a sacrifice—effectively a command to kill his son. As Avraham was ready to bring down the knife to fulfil this command, an angel calls out, telling him ”do not send for your hand against the child.”
When it comes to a death-sentence, only Hashem alone can issue the command. But to save a soul, we listen to even a far-lesser voice of authority.
We live in times where sadly many Jewish parents and families face the challenge of children who have gone away from the values of their upbringing. In some cases they may be caught up in very harmful and negative behaviours.
Parents struggle with worry about them being a negative influence on their other children. Sadly in the past there was a belief that such children should be removed from the home.
I believe that the Torah wants us to know that “throwing a child out of the house” is like pronouncing a death sentence; taking a tremendous emotional and psychological toll with terrible risks ר“ל. These children desperately need the love, support and protection of their parents, home and family.
Yishmael was in a different category entirely. None of the extreme behaviours we see in our homes today are anything like Yishmael! And even for him, Avraham went out to bat, to try at all costs to keep him home. Only Hashem could make that call.
Today we hear voices of reason from Daas Torah, Rabbis and therapists telling us “do not send your hand forth against the child”. Like Avraham at the Akeidah, this is the voice that we need to heed.
In the merit of our unconditional love and dedication to every child, may Hashem shower us with His love and bring us back home, to Yerushalaim with Moshiach Tzidkeinu.
The Torah tells us Sarah’s cause for concern. She wanted Avraham to send Yishmael away because she saw him “Metzachek”. Rashi, quotes our sages that this word refers to each of the three cardinal Aveiros of idolatry and immorality and also bloodshed, as Yishmael would shoot arrows at Yitzchak.
Yishmael did not reflect or live up to the values of his father’s home and upbringing. Sarah did not want Yishmael to stay in the house where he may be a negative influence on Yitzchak. In her eyes, Yishmael’s presence in the home posed a spiritual and physical danger.
Avraham was no fool. He knew who Yishmael was and how he was behaving. But he did not want to send him away. This was the same Yishmael that Avraham davened for when Hashem promised him another child; Lu Yishmael Yichye Lefanecha - if only Yishmael will live before you.
Avraham believed in Yishmael and davened that Hashem help him to do Teshuvah. Avraham loved Yishmael and wanted to keep him close. He could not agree to Sarah’s request.
Hashem told Avraham to listen to and do what Sarah was asking.
This past week a member of the community asked me about this episode. Surely we would not do this now; to “throw-out” a child who is rebellious. Why would Hashem say such a thing? And what lesson are we supposed to take from it?
Perhaps that is the lesson! That only Hashem Himself, who is all-knowing and absolute truth and goodness, could command such a thing. And only if Hashem Himself said to do so, would one be able to take such a drastic step.
At the end of the Parsha we read about the Akeidah. Hashem tells Avraham to take Yitzchak and offer him as a sacrifice—effectively a command to kill his son. As Avraham was ready to bring down the knife to fulfil this command, an angel calls out, telling him ”do not send for your hand against the child.”
When it comes to a death-sentence, only Hashem alone can issue the command. But to save a soul, we listen to even a far-lesser voice of authority.
We live in times where sadly many Jewish parents and families face the challenge of children who have gone away from the values of their upbringing. In some cases they may be caught up in very harmful and negative behaviours.
Parents struggle with worry about them being a negative influence on their other children. Sadly in the past there was a belief that such children should be removed from the home.
I believe that the Torah wants us to know that “throwing a child out of the house” is like pronouncing a death sentence; taking a tremendous emotional and psychological toll with terrible risks ר“ל. These children desperately need the love, support and protection of their parents, home and family.
Yishmael was in a different category entirely. None of the extreme behaviours we see in our homes today are anything like Yishmael! And even for him, Avraham went out to bat, to try at all costs to keep him home. Only Hashem could make that call.
Today we hear voices of reason from Daas Torah, Rabbis and therapists telling us “do not send your hand forth against the child”. Like Avraham at the Akeidah, this is the voice that we need to heed.
In the merit of our unconditional love and dedication to every child, may Hashem shower us with His love and bring us back home, to Yerushalaim with Moshiach Tzidkeinu.