A KABBALISTIC MODEL FOR LASTING MARRIAGES
Vayishlach
At the end of our Parsha we learn of “the kings who reigned in the land of Edom before any king ruled over Bnei Yisroel”. The Torah lists seven Edomite kings, each of whom ruled וימלך, subsequently died וימת and was replaced by the next king as their successor.
In these Pesukim, the Ariza”l finds allusion to two world orders. The first world is the world of Tohu (chaos) and the following world is the reality of Tikkun (correction).
Both worlds are comprised of seven Divine energies referred to as Sefiros. These Sefiros are the spiritual building blocks through which Hashem channels His light into creation. But the nature and interrelationship of the Sefiros differs greatly between the two.
The ‘kings of Bnei Yisroel’ refer to the Sefiros of the world of Tikkun. The ‘kings of Edom’, who ruled before them, refer to Sefiros of Tohu which preceded the world of Tikkun. The demise of the seven kings of Edom represents how the seven Sefiros of the world of Tohu suffered a spiritual collapse.
From the fragmented Sefiros and spiritual rubble of Tohu, the reality of Tikun was brought into being. After the death of the seventh king, the Torah names the eighth king, Hadar. This king represents the beginnings of the world of Tikkun and therefore, unlike the previous kings, his death is not mentioned.
The difference between the nature of the Sefiros in the worlds of Tohu and Tikkun is discussed a great length in Chassidus, some of the differences are;
In Tohu the Sefiros are described as ‘kings’. Each Sefira existed in its full strength, with a powerful sense of its own identity, like a king, who with their power and ego, seeks exclusive and absolute domination.
The Sefiros of Tohu sought their own need to express themselves and did not leave space for the existence of any other Sefira. Like the kings of Edom, only with the demise (collapse) of the previous Sefira, could the new Sefira arise and have space to express its unique self.
The Sefiros of Tohu did not wish to receive influence from the other Sefiros. To do so, they would first need to recognise that they are lacking something that they do not have within themselves. They would also need to recognise that the other has qualities and strengths that can complete them if they are open to receive.
These features all stem from the underlying sense of ego in Tohu. This gave rise to a world of conflict and separateness that could never be sustainable.
In Tikun, the complete opposite pervades. The Sefiros have the element of Bittul (humility). As such they do not seek exclusive expression. They can accept the existence of other Sefiros without feeling threatened by a loss of dominance.
They sense that no one has perfection and is complete on their own and they are able to appreciate the qualities and strengths of the other Sefiros. They appreciate that the only way to achieve their own wholeness is by receiving influence and learning from the other.
Because of this, the Sefiros of Tikkun unite with one another in a deep bond described as Hiskallelus, whereby in each Sefira there are elements of each of the other Sefiros.
In a letter sent to the Rebbe and the Rebbetzin in anticipation of their second wedding anniversary on the 14th of Kislev 1930, the Rebbe’s father wrote;
“The marriage of man and woman is the concept of Tikkun (which is) the opposite of Tohu where there is no mention of marriage between man and woman, for in the kings of Tohu (until the 8th king Hadar), there is no mention of the names of their wives. Tikkun is the concept of marriage...”.
Marriage is the uniting of two individuals to become one. When we display the attributes of Tohu; ego, not giving space for the other and not being able to receive influence, no unity can be achieved and chaos ensues.
But with the humility and flexibility of Tikkun, when we make space for the other and can be vulnerable and open to receive influence from one another, we build a relationship of harmony and unity - a marriage made in Tikkun that will endure for eternity.
In these Pesukim, the Ariza”l finds allusion to two world orders. The first world is the world of Tohu (chaos) and the following world is the reality of Tikkun (correction).
Both worlds are comprised of seven Divine energies referred to as Sefiros. These Sefiros are the spiritual building blocks through which Hashem channels His light into creation. But the nature and interrelationship of the Sefiros differs greatly between the two.
The ‘kings of Bnei Yisroel’ refer to the Sefiros of the world of Tikkun. The ‘kings of Edom’, who ruled before them, refer to Sefiros of Tohu which preceded the world of Tikkun. The demise of the seven kings of Edom represents how the seven Sefiros of the world of Tohu suffered a spiritual collapse.
From the fragmented Sefiros and spiritual rubble of Tohu, the reality of Tikun was brought into being. After the death of the seventh king, the Torah names the eighth king, Hadar. This king represents the beginnings of the world of Tikkun and therefore, unlike the previous kings, his death is not mentioned.
The difference between the nature of the Sefiros in the worlds of Tohu and Tikkun is discussed a great length in Chassidus, some of the differences are;
In Tohu the Sefiros are described as ‘kings’. Each Sefira existed in its full strength, with a powerful sense of its own identity, like a king, who with their power and ego, seeks exclusive and absolute domination.
The Sefiros of Tohu sought their own need to express themselves and did not leave space for the existence of any other Sefira. Like the kings of Edom, only with the demise (collapse) of the previous Sefira, could the new Sefira arise and have space to express its unique self.
The Sefiros of Tohu did not wish to receive influence from the other Sefiros. To do so, they would first need to recognise that they are lacking something that they do not have within themselves. They would also need to recognise that the other has qualities and strengths that can complete them if they are open to receive.
These features all stem from the underlying sense of ego in Tohu. This gave rise to a world of conflict and separateness that could never be sustainable.
In Tikun, the complete opposite pervades. The Sefiros have the element of Bittul (humility). As such they do not seek exclusive expression. They can accept the existence of other Sefiros without feeling threatened by a loss of dominance.
They sense that no one has perfection and is complete on their own and they are able to appreciate the qualities and strengths of the other Sefiros. They appreciate that the only way to achieve their own wholeness is by receiving influence and learning from the other.
Because of this, the Sefiros of Tikkun unite with one another in a deep bond described as Hiskallelus, whereby in each Sefira there are elements of each of the other Sefiros.
In a letter sent to the Rebbe and the Rebbetzin in anticipation of their second wedding anniversary on the 14th of Kislev 1930, the Rebbe’s father wrote;
“The marriage of man and woman is the concept of Tikkun (which is) the opposite of Tohu where there is no mention of marriage between man and woman, for in the kings of Tohu (until the 8th king Hadar), there is no mention of the names of their wives. Tikkun is the concept of marriage...”.
Marriage is the uniting of two individuals to become one. When we display the attributes of Tohu; ego, not giving space for the other and not being able to receive influence, no unity can be achieved and chaos ensues.
But with the humility and flexibility of Tikkun, when we make space for the other and can be vulnerable and open to receive influence from one another, we build a relationship of harmony and unity - a marriage made in Tikkun that will endure for eternity.