A Day for Repairing Relationships
Purim
The Gemara records the teaching of Rava that on Purim one should become intoxicated to the extent that they no longer know the difference between cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordechai, עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי.
Many are perplexed by this ruling for a number of reasons. One of the key questions is, how is it possible, no matter how intoxicated one is, to not be able to distinguish between cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordechai.
And so many of the great Chassidic masters and Baalei Mussar offer deeper insight and interpretation to this teaching by taking it out of its literal meaning.
A beautiful lesson is taught by Rabbi Manoach Handel (Poland 16th century) in his work Chochmas Manoach;
There are two primary reasons we may harbour negative feeling towards our fellow man.
We feel dislike and hold grudges against someone who we see as our enemy, someone we feel has wronged or offended us. Our natural response is to despise that person and harbour feelings of hatred, dislike and vengeance towards them. This is alluded to by the phrase ארור המן, the hatred we feel towards our enemies.
We may also harbour ill-feelings towards someone who has never wronged us in any way. When we see the success of others who have been blessed or achieved success, be it financial or otherwise, we may harbor negative feelings that stem from envy and jealousy at their success and their blessings.
These feelings are alluded to by ברוך מרדכי. Mordechai was blessed. He became elevated to a position of great honour. He achieved wealth and fame and leadership. As such he was not liked by all. Even though he did so much for the Jewish people, there were those who could not stand to see his success instead of their own.
The Gemara’s ruling teaches us how to remove both of these types of sentiments and negative feelings from our hearts.
Sharing a meal together (and a Lchaim certainly helps) and extending our hospitality breaks down boundaries, fosters good will and increases friendship. Our sages teachגדולה לגימה שמקרבת את הלבבות , great is eating together for it draws the hearts closer.
It is much easier to invite our close friends to share our Purim Seudah, Shabbos meals and other celebrations. But Purim calls on us to reach beyond our circle of friends to extend the hand of friendship and Shalom to those we don’t get along with or to those we feel hurt by or jealous of. It is an opportunity to begin to mend strained relationships, replacing ill-will with good will.
By inviting them to join us in our Purim feasting -לבסומי בפוריא, and sharing the experience together, we can reach a level of לא ידע, where we no longer know either (בין) the feelings of ארור המן or those of ברוך מרדכי - the negative attitude towards those we feel have hurt us or the jealousy and resentment towards those who have more than we do.
The same is true with our Mishloach Manos delivery lists. The purpose of Mishloach Manos is to create feelings of friendship and affection.
The accusation of Haman to Achashveirosh when he requested permission to kill the Jews was that they are a nation scattered and dispersed. By highlighting the divisions and fractures amongst the Jewish people he sought to erode the Divine protection which unity brings.
Mordechai rallied the Jewish people in a state of Achdus, revealing how they may be scattered throughout the empire but they remain an עם אחד, one nation. In this merit they received Hashem’s salvation and redemption
We can all think of someone who for us is either ארור המן or ברוך מרדכי. This Purim lets try and reach עד דלא ידע that we no longer know these feelings anymore.
Many are perplexed by this ruling for a number of reasons. One of the key questions is, how is it possible, no matter how intoxicated one is, to not be able to distinguish between cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordechai.
And so many of the great Chassidic masters and Baalei Mussar offer deeper insight and interpretation to this teaching by taking it out of its literal meaning.
A beautiful lesson is taught by Rabbi Manoach Handel (Poland 16th century) in his work Chochmas Manoach;
There are two primary reasons we may harbour negative feeling towards our fellow man.
We feel dislike and hold grudges against someone who we see as our enemy, someone we feel has wronged or offended us. Our natural response is to despise that person and harbour feelings of hatred, dislike and vengeance towards them. This is alluded to by the phrase ארור המן, the hatred we feel towards our enemies.
We may also harbour ill-feelings towards someone who has never wronged us in any way. When we see the success of others who have been blessed or achieved success, be it financial or otherwise, we may harbor negative feelings that stem from envy and jealousy at their success and their blessings.
These feelings are alluded to by ברוך מרדכי. Mordechai was blessed. He became elevated to a position of great honour. He achieved wealth and fame and leadership. As such he was not liked by all. Even though he did so much for the Jewish people, there were those who could not stand to see his success instead of their own.
The Gemara’s ruling teaches us how to remove both of these types of sentiments and negative feelings from our hearts.
Sharing a meal together (and a Lchaim certainly helps) and extending our hospitality breaks down boundaries, fosters good will and increases friendship. Our sages teachגדולה לגימה שמקרבת את הלבבות , great is eating together for it draws the hearts closer.
It is much easier to invite our close friends to share our Purim Seudah, Shabbos meals and other celebrations. But Purim calls on us to reach beyond our circle of friends to extend the hand of friendship and Shalom to those we don’t get along with or to those we feel hurt by or jealous of. It is an opportunity to begin to mend strained relationships, replacing ill-will with good will.
By inviting them to join us in our Purim feasting -לבסומי בפוריא, and sharing the experience together, we can reach a level of לא ידע, where we no longer know either (בין) the feelings of ארור המן or those of ברוך מרדכי - the negative attitude towards those we feel have hurt us or the jealousy and resentment towards those who have more than we do.
The same is true with our Mishloach Manos delivery lists. The purpose of Mishloach Manos is to create feelings of friendship and affection.
The accusation of Haman to Achashveirosh when he requested permission to kill the Jews was that they are a nation scattered and dispersed. By highlighting the divisions and fractures amongst the Jewish people he sought to erode the Divine protection which unity brings.
Mordechai rallied the Jewish people in a state of Achdus, revealing how they may be scattered throughout the empire but they remain an עם אחד, one nation. In this merit they received Hashem’s salvation and redemption
We can all think of someone who for us is either ארור המן or ברוך מרדכי. This Purim lets try and reach עד דלא ידע that we no longer know these feelings anymore.